Archive for May, 2012
This report features an amazing role reversal. I was at Carlton Club, standing alone and watching my students in set, when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and saw a cute girl with hipster glasses.
“You should come and sit with us.” she said, took me by the hand and lead my to her table where her friend was sitting. Wow! A girl approaching, opening me and bringing me into her circle. I wasn’t interested in either of them, but I was happy to let the role reversal play out and see how they would try to get in my pants.
They were really smiley and bubbly. “This is Sarah! She’s really funny! Like totally funny!”
“So what’s your name?” they asked excitedly, and I told them.
“Cool! How old are you?”
“Cool! That’s my favourite number!”
“That’s dumb. I’ll be 24 next year” I said blankly.
“Guess what my second favourite number is?!”
I rolled my eyes, but inside I smiled. She was trying her best, it was cute. I was impressed by how blatantly she was hitting on me.
“There’s a movie about that number” I told her (The Number 23 with Jim Carrey.)
“You and Sarah should go see that together! You totally should!”
“Uhhh…” I just ignored this comment, and glanced around the room, blatantly checking out other girls, and blowing a kiss to one.
“We’re getting a drink. You want a drink? We’ll get you a drink! Just stay there!”
She came back with a jug.
I didn’t have to do anything. Pretty much all I had to say for the whole conversation was short answers like “Yes” “23″ “Out with friends” “Camberwell”.
They were like the over eager guys, approaching me, doing all the talking, being excessively friendly, carrying the whole conversation, buying me drinks, lavishing me with compliments based on nothing more than how I looked and dressed. It was amazing to experience that from the other side.
The students ended up sitting down with the girls, and the one with glasses whispered to me that she liked Terry, my student. “Talk to him then! Put your hand on his leg.”
I told the other student to sit next to him so that Terry would have to move seats next to the glasses girl. I left to talk to other students and heard the rest of the story from Terry later. The girl sat next to him and said “Liam told me to put my hand on your leg!”
“So are you going to?” Terry replied.
She complied, and as the tension built, he leaned in and they started making out.
Later I walked past and glasses girl had come back from the toilet. “I saw you kissing Terry! Well done!” I told her.
“Oh but he’s talking to Sarah now… He must like her! She’s way prettier than me.”
“Are you retarded? You just made out with him! I reckon you two should both take him home and have a threesome with him.”
“No! We couldn’t…” she said, her eyes lighting up mischievously.
“You could take him home, tie him to a chair and fuck him till you cum, then turn off the light and send her in to ride his cock too! He would never know!”
“I think he’d be able to tell…she has much bigger boobs…”
(Notice that she didn’t say she didn’t want to, just that it wouldn’t work!)
“Stop being so hard on yourself! He already told you that you’re funny and kissed you. Get in there and make it happen!”
“Yeah!” she cried, inspired, and sat back down with him. It felt insane that I was coaching a girl to give her the confidence to take one of my students home!
10 minutes later they left together and I got this text from Terry:
Terry told me that prior to him sitting next to her, she was making funny faces at him across the table. When he asked her about this the next day she said “Oh well I thought you were out of my league and I wouldn’t be able to get you so I figured I would just joke around and have fun with it anyway…”
It was amazing to experience a typical pickup from a girls point of view. The thing that struck me the most was how little I had to do. They did all the talking, smiling, drinking buying. All I had to do was smile and nod, and it gave me so much power. I knew I could leave at any second, they knew it too, and they were doing their best to keep me from leaving. I can only begin to imagine how that would effect my behaviour if I got treated like that every single time I went out! Yet another insight into the world of women.
This story shows how girls make no sense and will engage in weird conversation with strangers if they feel relaxed around you. The reason I get away with saying weird things is that I’m able to show her that I KNOW I’m being weird and I’m not oblivious to it.
I was walking home and I saw a cute girl, so I turned and walked after her.
“Hey!” I said to her.
“Oh! Hi…” she said, a little startled. Her pace quickened as she tried to walk away from me.
“That was a little weird wasn’t it…let me try that again” I said, stepped back and approached again and said hello.
She gave me a weird look and kept walking quickly.
“What are you up to?” I asked, plowing on.
“Oh I just finished work.”
I scanned her up and down and said “You don’t look like you work in an office…”
She asked me what I was doing and I said I was walking home but then saw her walk past and wanted to say hello. She smiled, said “Aww that’s cute. I’m Jane” and we continued chatting.
We crossed the street together and I asked her what she was doing now, she said she was going home. “Oh cool, can I come home with you?”
She gave me a sly look and said “My boyfriend wouldn’t like that…”
“You sure? He might be into a spitroast…”
“Haha no I don’t think he’d be into that…”
“You know what you should do? You should ask him when he’s asleep. And wait for him to nod in his sleep and then he pretty much said yes.”
“Haha yeah then I could record it…”
“Yeah! And then you have the evidence of him saying yes. So then you get him drunk and he’s passed out, and we fuck while you kiss him…so it’s technically a threesome because he’s involved, but really it’s just a way for us to bang without you cheating.”
“Oh. My. God. I admire your confidence but like…don’t ever say that to anyone, ever again…” she said, trailing off uncomfortably.
“Eh. What do I have to lose. You already said you have a boyfriend.”
Her face lit up and she smiled. “True! Good point! Wow when you put it like that…”
“I like to have fun. It’s worth risking weirding you out.”
“By the way, my names actually Sarah. I gave you a fake name before…you seemed really weird when you approached first…”
“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” I absolutely CRACKED up laughing in her face. “I love women! They make no sense, yet they make total sense!” I started yelling to the street “Women are crazy! Women are crazy!”
She gave me a quizzical look and I explained: “You’re not sure about me when I approach honestly, shy and nervous…but then when I suggest that I fuck you from behind in a dark rooom while your boyfriend is passed out, suddenly THAT is the thing that makes you want to tell me your real name and get to know me.”
“Yeah…well…uhhh…” she got a little flustered, then we continued chatting.
Eventually I asked “Anyway, do you have single friends I can bang?”
“Um…yeah! Like two or three.”
“Sweet. We should stay in touch so you can hook me up and live through me.”
“Uhh…look, once again… I admire your confidence but that’s taking it too far!”
“Nah. It’s true.” I replied, and she smiled.
We chatted a bit more, she took my facebook, and I said “We should have a goodbye hug…”
And she said “ I really want to, but…”
“SHE WANTS TO HUG ME!” I yelled to everyone on the street.
We hugged and when I got home she had added me on Facebook. Next step: get her boyfriend drunk…
Love this picture, it’s funny and also highlights the fact that so many men are clueless to how many available girls there are out there if you chose to go and meet them. I hear guys saying “It’s so hard to meet girls in this city? I’ve tried online dating, I’ve tried bars…”
Bars? You mean going for a ‘lads night’ where you get drunk, mumble something at one or two girls, then ‘have a good time with your mates’ (which translates to staring at girls and not approaching them).
What about the beach, the supermarket, public transport, the street, the library…