Rapid Escalation

“Wow… her breasts are huge!” my student said, pointing at one of three girls that had just arrived in the bar.

“Go and tell her that she has amazing breasts… And that you want to motorboat them. The last time a student did this the girl said “Thanks! Want to make out with me?” and they hooked up.”

He walked over and delivered the complement. Her face twisted in disgust, and he slunk back to me.

Her blue-top friend marched over, outraged.

Blue-top: “Why are you being so rude to my friend?”

He turned to face her.

Student: “Uhhh…”

Blue-top: “You can’t just go around saying things like that!”

“Says who?” I said calmly, smirking.

Blue-top: “SAYS WHO?!? It’s just rude!”

“I’m just being honest…” my student told her.

Blue-top: “It’s her birthday… And now you’ve ruined it!”

She stormed off. I turned to him.

“Don’t let that get to you. She’s making a big deal about this because she wants to, not because it’s a big deal. Ruined her birthday? Seriously? One flirty, risky compliment and her nights ruined? I highly doubt it. We just injected a bit of excitement into their night. I bet the girl you spoke to doesn’t even care that much, or is secretly buzzing from the compliment. But this blue-top chick WANTS to be offended.

She’s really just playing a game. She’s chosen the setting: “be offended and confrontational.” And the best part is, we’re playing the same game! But we’ve chosen: “Be silly and have fun.” Everyone in bars is playing, some people just don’t know it. I could get on my high horse about what a bitch she is for being rude to you after you just gave a compliment but that would be missing the point. The point is most of what happens in this environment means nothing, and people pump it up to mean more than it does because it’s exciting. They crave the drama. What you do, what she does… 99% of it doesn’t matter tomorrow. Realizing that is powerful, because you stop taking it seriously and see it for what it is. From that place you can create whatever fucking meaning you want from it! And choosing to think “This bar is a playground and I’m here to have fun and share energy with other people” is a fuckload better than thinking “I’m shy and all these girls are hot and I’m not really cool and I wouldn’t want to disturb them and if I get rejected it means I’m a loser.”

I’m not angry at the blue-top girl. She’s doing exactly what we’re doing! It’s all in good fun.”

The student went back over to the girls in a bid to go down in flames.

“Happy birthday” he said with a smile.

“Fuck off.”

“Do you want to go on a date with me?”

“FUCK OFF.”

Her friend chipped in “You’re a better guy than that.”

He marched back, beaming. “Freedom man! Every time I do this shit, I just feel fucking freedom. I was so scared to even talk to her and now I realize none of this shit fucking matters!”

Another student arrived and we filled him in on the drama. He went over.

“Hey… sorry about my friend.”

“Fuck off.”

“Nah seriously, sorry. It’s a bit inappropriate.”

“Yeah. Well it’s obvious why he doesn’t have any girls around him…”

“To be fair though, he just goes for what he wants in life. He was speaking his truth, even though that goes against social norms. He was attracted to your friend and he gave her a compliment. Why should that be such a big deal?”

“Hmm…interesting viewpoint” they said.

“Anyway…sorry again, happy birthday… but seriously… your breasts are massive.”

“FUCK OFF.”

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